You know what really grinds my gears?

So I bought a new bottle of shampoo recently, and used it for the first time. I'm in the shower, wasting hot water, and I pick up the bottle to read the instructions. Yes, I was actually reading the instructions.

We all might wonder why instructions are even necessary on a shampoo bottle. It's always the same thing. Yet I check every time I get a new one, just in case, because you never know when it is going to be something radically different. "Mix three tablespoons of shampoo in a wooden bowl with one teaspoon of chocolate syrup and apply with steel wool," it might say. But no, the directions were pretty standard.

And then, the next paragraph.

"This product was not tested on animals."

WHAT?! I threw the bottle down in horror. Not tested on animals? How on earth do they know its safe for me, then?

This is ridiculous. I demand that all my products first be tested on animals.